In depth with my poetics

What the 9th Iyas Workshop files in De La Salle University in Bacolod City revealed

PLENARY SESSION 4

Poems:

"Hunas", "Pag-biya sa Pier Tres", "Raspa Human sa Laglag", "Unsaon Pagpili og Pamanhunon sa Usa ka Lab-asera", "Pagdakup ug Kaka", "Pan Burikat"

Dr Evasco began the session by giving the fellows a lesson on Cebuano vocabulary; this is to help the fellows who are not able to read and understand Cebuano. She found the collection to be very good, pointing out that the writer seems to be sensually aware of the presence of the sea. Dr Evasco also found the poems or balak to be very much in the tradition of Cebuano poetry, very much in the oral tradition. This is particularly evident when one looks into the eliding of some words in the poems. For Dr Evasco, the poems read well because they appeal to the ear.

Hunas was singled out by Dr Evasco for her beginning discussion. She noted the main use of personification as device, and the fact that the poem is a mood poem. Dr Evasco noted the poetic sensibility which enabled the writer to focus on items which others would not otherwise notice, and this was brought to the fore by the poem’s starting out with a negative capability. She lauded the writer’s ability to make the image move so the readers do not get a still picture but an evocation of the rhythm of the universe, the life rhythms of the fisherfolk depicted. The writer’s defamiliarization by means of the metaphor of sweetness and the use of locale were also admired.

While the writer was commended by Dr Evasco for the ability to work the literal bases of the poem such that the readers are brought to the level of metaphor, Dr Evasco noted the imprecision of the image in the 7^th line of the poem. She also advised the writer to take care of his/her orthography., and s/he should not be shy to use punctuation. For Dr Evasco, the unit of measure of a poem’s sense is still the sentence and good literature is the art of a-sentencing. She also pointed out some word choices which would have worked better in the poem.

Apart from Hunas, Dr Evasco discussed Raspa, Unsaon and Pan Burikat. Dr Evasco found the tone of Raspa complex and difficult to place. The poem to her is complete in its rendition of a human experience. Dr Evasco, pointed out, however, some word choices which she found inappropriate. She also tasked the writer to look for a better word than masilhigan. Unsaon Dr Evasco found enjoyable because it sounded like a song. For Pan Burikat, which Dr Evasco found to be within the tradition of the tagay poems (which she also called Kamagayan poems, in reference to a place in Cebu where men pick up women) whose angle of vision is of the male, Dr Evasco provided an outline on the board; she pointed out that the bread is the objective correlative of Ana. Dr Evasco asked the writer to look into the ending of the poem: what is the point of the persona? Dr Evasco said that she has read many poems of this type and this one seems to be a replication of the poems written by men who are insensitive to gender issues. In post-feminist criticism, the writer would have to deconstruct and reconstruct the situation depicted in the poem but not in the way that it would change the character of Ana who is plainly a serbidora and innocent. Dr Evasco suggested that the writer look into books discussing the politics/power of the gaze. This would perhaps enable the writer to make the irony sharper.

Dr Deriada also liked the collection, especially since the place was clearly delineated., because there was what he called authentic geography. For him, a good poem must have an acceptable reality. Dr Deriada found the poem to be within the romantic tradition of Cebuano poetry and though he declared the writer competent, Dr Deriada pointed out the spotty vocabulary and the inconsistency in the style. Focussing on the latter, Dr Deriada said that the vocabulary the writer used is classic vocabulary so the poem must use correct Cebuano words and punctuation. He was glad the poems were short and he also encouraged the writer to make some more.

Dr Tan disagreed with both Drs Deriada and Evasco with regard to the use of punctuation as he has found certain poem that work even without the punctuation marks. An example he gave was a work of WS Merwin. Dr Tan liked the first poem for its very well observed low tide. The accurate details point to an intimately known & described place. It goes beyond description, similar to Wallace Steven’s The Snowman, and Matthew Arnold’s Dover Beach.

Dr Asenjo also liked the collection which reminded her of the Visayan songs Usahay and Matud Nila. In the poems, she saw the humor characteristic of Visayan poetry and its similarity with the humor in Hiligaynon poetry. She found Pan Burikat to be out of place in the collection and asked that the writer decide on his/her tone. Dr Asenjo said she was excited to read more of the writer’s works.

Similarly, Mr Teodoro liked the collection, particularly for its beautiful imagery. He focused on two poems: Unsaon and Pan Burikat. Mr Teodoro posited that the confusion in Unsaon is brought about by the title. For him, the speaker in the poem is the fisherwoman. For Pan Burikat, Mr Teodoro emphasized the need to rework the end as the poem presented a possibility of subversion. He said that writer should try to empower Ana the serbidora.

When it was time for the fellows to speak, Errol began by pointing out that a writer’s background does not come in when readers encounter one’s work., and suggested an alternate ending for the poem, with Ana saying that the men can just drool over her. Vanessa, however, found the alternate ending suggested too “in-your-face”. She liked the sensory images and got the impression that the writer writes from the heart. Vanessa pointed out the sense of spontaneity and play of words, enjoying the sounds. She found the persona in Raspa to be feisty. Philip also enjoyed the sound of Cebuano. Anton initially thought that it would be difficult to render a soft tone in Cebuano, but was surprised to discover through these poems, that it was possible to do so. He also liked that fact that the poems show Visayan women to be earthy, comfortable with power and thus wanted the writer to characterize Ana in that context. Tricia envied the writer’s beautiful sense of location, stating that the images are very concrete. JM enjoyed the whole collection, particularly Raspa, but was bothered by the title which he found too long and telling. He found the collection to give a slice of life. Irish found the poems to transcend language barrier.

Genica Mijares thanked everyone for their comments. She admitted that this was the first time she entered her poems in Cebuano in workshops. As for Pan Burikat, she said that this was influenced by the fact that her mentors were the “Bathalad boys” who wrote Kamayagan-like poems and she wanted to write a poem in protest of this kind of poetry. The session ended early.